OWLBEARS 2 Draft 1

Concept

Hey everyone. I’ve whipped up this simple and silly RPG for your enjoyment. It’s based off another RPG I saw that was purely a game of make believe, and I liked the concept and attitude, so I’ve decided to turn it into an actual game with mechanics. Even if you don’t play it, I hope you at least have fun reading through this look at fantasy literature through the eyes of a 9 year old with ADD and a worn copy of The Hobbit.

Special thanks to: Stuart Robins? I assume this is the creator of the original concept and game. If you’re reading this, sorry I couldn’t figure out how to contact you.
The original Owlbears can be found at: http://www.1km1kt.net/rpg/owlbears

Introduction

Owlbears 2 is an awesome game for cool kids in which you are an owlbear, a killer beast that’s HALF OWL and HALF BEAR. You get all the powers of both, and maybe more! Flight and super strength are at your wingfingerclawtips.

This game is about action. Owlbears don’t sit around and drink tea and talk. They fly around and blow stuff up and rip ninjas in half, and it’s really really really cool.

Don’t tell your mom about this game or she might take it away.

The World

There’s a valley with hobbits and a forest with elves and a mountain with dwarves and an evil place with orcs and an evil wizard. There’s a forest of tree people and a UFO with aliens too. And some more stuff, and it’s all cooler than a treehouse!

Character Creation

Pick a cool name like CRUSHKILL or POWERBOMB.

If you really want, pick a bear type and an owl type. Like if you’re an owlbear that’s part arctic owl and part polar bear, you could be an arctic polar owlbear or something. And you could shoot freeze lasers out of your eyes!

Finally, get a weapon or gadget or power or something. Every owlbear starts out with bear claws and wings and an owl beak and super strength. And punching and kicking. But you get something special in addition to that, but just one thing. Like a machine gun, or a laser sword, or the power to shoot freeze
lasers out of your eyes.

Adventures

Owlbears are cool because they are half owl and half bear. But they are also cool because they do cool stuff, like have spaceship races and beating up aliens. Someone suggests some kinda situation. Maybe ghosts with laserbeams show up, or pirates with swordlegs instead of peglegs. And they’d have guns for hands.

Doing Stuff

Owlbears are awesome and they fight all the time. Owlbear adventures involve stuff like punching orcs and ripping ninjas in half and blowing up AN ENTIRE ARMY OF WIZARDS. Or the sneaky bearowls.

A SQUAD OF ALIENS WITH LASER AXES SHOWS UP! Anyone else would be dead meat, but you’re an OWLBEAR. You take out your ROCKET LAUNCHER and start blasting them! FWOOSH! KABOOM! BLAMMO! DOOSH! That’s four big sound-words, or onosomething. Even sounds that aren’t actual fighting count, since it’s still really neat, like, shotguns are super powerful because of that sound it makes between shots, you know, that ka-CHACK sound. That ought to be enough to take them down, right?

WRONG! They have laser-axes! It’s not like some stupid weak old laser sword. Everyone has those. You gotta hit them like, ten times before they die. Actually, more than that. You want it to be big and noisy, so maybe you gotta hit ’em five times for everyone that’s playing.  And guess what? You’re not allowed to use the same words on them in the same fight again because it’d be boring. Everyone gets to take a turn if you’re all fighting the same thing, though, so they don’t go down until everyone’s done something, unless someone’s taking too long. And you don’t get to switch weapons and fight with something else with different noises right away, because you already had your turn.  And you can’t take someone else’s words either. If you come up with the noisiest and most sounds, you are the COOLEST. But only if you use noises that make sense, okay? If someone says one of your noises doesn’t sound right, and nobody disagrees with them, then that word doesn’t count! And don’t try dumb stuff like try to say that “BOOM” and “BOOOOOOOOOM” are two different words.

And they don’t drop until EVERYONE’S had a turn, even if the bad guys got hit enough to take them down. So it’s fair for everyone and we don’t get crybabies, isn’t that right, Timmy?

Owlbears shouldn’t just make noises though. Owlbears DO stuff. Say what you’re doing, and get really detailed and vivid and cool about it. Which of these is cooler?

“Bloodspear kicks the ninja over and over. KER-POW! BONK! WHAM! CRAAAASH!”

“Bloodspear smashes his foot into the ninja’s nuts! KER-POW! Then he tackles the ninja and pushes him against a wall and head-butts him! BONK! And then the wall breaks open and there’s a BILLION DOLLARS behind it! So Bloodspear takes it. THen he body-slams the ninja into a solid gold statue of himself, because the people who made this room knew that Bloodspear was coming, because he’s so awesome and everyone loves him and he shows up in like, all the ancient prophecies, all of them, and even the new prophecies, so they made this solid gold statue! Of Bloodspear! WHAM!”

That first guy got more noise in, yeah? But the second guy was clearly better and more cool.

Being Cool

Speaking of cool, after every fight, figure out who the coolest is. My dad says we live in America so we have to vote. If nobody feels like voting, it’s whoever got the most noises in. If there’s a tie, everyone who tied wins, but you can’t vote for yourself because that’s dumb. Whoever gets to be the coolest gets a new tool or gadget. So you can get a new awesome power, like having a gun, or a car, or a staff, except there are swords on the ends, and the entire center part is one big sword.

Moving On

Now, someone else gets to come up with a cool situation, like a necromancer builds a giant fake owlbear robot that shoots exploding feather missiles. Then everyone takes it on. And whoever the coolest is gets a new thing. After everyone comes up with a cool story and everyone beats it, then everyone votes on what the coolest situation was. Whoever made up the coolest one gets one more power. Then you check to see if any of you are cool enough to have five or more special powers or items. If you do, YOU ARE SO COOL YOU GET TO BE THE KING OF THE OWLBEARS. Tell everyone how awesome your coronation is. If five is too many or too little, you guys can change it or something, but do it before the game starts, okay?

Then the episode ends and the credits roll, and you can start the next game with new Owlbears if you want, but the Owlbear King has to come up with a new Owlbear. He gets to come up with the first situation of the next episode, though.

Examples: Owlbears

Powerfist is an owlbear that has a cyborg eye because he was cool enough to get one. He has a big fat six shooter with an axe attached to the end, and he uses his cyborg eye to aim it, and he has a belt made of bullets. And skulls. No, wait. Bullets that are skulls. The gun shoots out skulls.

Blackskull is an even cooler owlbear. He has super sharp claws, and an airplane. It’s an F-14 bomber, and it flies at mach infinity, and drops those bombs that make an awesome whistling noise while it’s falling down. And the plane has a sword at the tip, so he can fly around and swordfight with the plane. And he doesn’t ride on the inside of the plane, he stands on the wing, because I think that’d be really cool.

Red Lightning Washington is an owlbear that’s also the King of America, and he’ll be King of Owlbears soon too. And he’s a ninja village chief! He wears an American flag as a ninja outfit and he flips out and karate chops people. He has a sword that’s as tall as a skyscraper, and every time he kills someone with it, he leaves them on it like a shishkebab. He is a master of the way of the ninja.

Rocket Billy is an owlbear that is a living rocket. He has super speed, and he can light his farts to go even faster. And he has a red Cadillac, and he can light its farts to go EVEN FASTER!

Examples: Situations

You guys are fighting a bunch of aliens and they have big space ships, okay? And the space ships are flying saucers and they glow green, and they shoot lasers and machine guns. And the aliens have axes. Laser axes. They’re axes made of lasers. And they shoot lasers. Or they can swing the axe and there’ll be a big green shockwave and it’ll fly out and cut peoples’ heads off. They’re all illegal and here to take over the world so they can take our jobs like mom’s always talking about.

There’s an evil wizard named Deathgore, and he raised an army of undead orcs with wings to try to take over the world. They also have a space ship, and it’s chained to the ground, and they’re going to use the space ship to launch the world into the sun unless the king gives him a million dollars.

All of a sudden, Nelson’s mom shows up and tells the Owlbears that they can’t go on adventures anymore, and that’s dumb.